This Isn't Real

(2013 note: This was written for a forum both of us spent a lot of time on back in 2000.  It was during the time I was writing "How to Make Love Die".  These events happened a few months after the end of the book. Be warned, it's a cheating wife story.  All of it is true except for the names.)

This Isn't Real

Where to start?  At the beginning of course.  Some of you know I've been lurking here for nearly a year, and posting for several months.  I've been mostly separated from my wife of 16 years for the last 8 months and not really trying to start a new relationship.  It's too complicated right now.  Or so I thought.

Anyway, in response to a poll on the forum, I posted a list of priorities for an affair as a joke:

>> 1. Intimacy - being there emotionally.
>> 2. Chemistry - that sexual connection.
>> 3. Personality - a smile that melts butter.
>> 4. Intellectually - a tight little mind with a lot of snap.
>> 5. A cute ass that moves with a defined rhythm.
>> 6. Nice set of tits that liked to be played with.
>> 7. The ability to suck-start a Harley with the ignition off.

>> Sorry. I got carried away. You only wanted 4,
>> right?

>> JackOfHearts

Well, this Sweet Angel responded with:

> why stop at 7? i was so enjoying your list!
> care to add to it? i love your way with words!

To someone who is learning to write, your observation is graphic seduction.  (She also emailed me directly and we began to correspond (in ALL meanings of that word.))  But I had better shorten this, or I'll never get to the good parts.  Here's how she described herself:

> My stats?  I am 34, married 12 years, 3 kids,
> live in the midwest, 5'2", 107 lbs.
> fair skin, green eyes,
> crazy hair (julia roberts, brown and curly)

Later she told me she was 35C-25-35.  DAMN!  She was perfect!  At least close to my ideal.  I was interested.  Who said looks don't matter?

Now I've heard the stories about 14 year old boys getting creative, but this was worth finding out about. Was I being scammed?  Maybe.  She wouldn't send me a picture, and that's not a good sign.

None the less, I continued flirting and got more intrigued.  At one point I posted this when discussing affairs:

>> But really, this forum isn't the place to go get laid.
>> Most of the ladies here are not only married,
>> but are also in love with a secret boyfriend!
>> It might be better to hang out at the PTA forum.

Shows what I know!  She informed me she separated sex and emotion very well.  This didn't
sound too complicated.  The flirting continued.  I wrote back:

>> I not dangerous at all, unless the chemistry
>> is right, your husband is not there, you are
>> pissed off at your boyfriend, we are alone in a dark,
>> warm and comfortable place, and I just can't
>> get the smell your hair out of my mind
>> and you are dragging your fingers across
>> the top of my knuckles and I love the way
>> the inside of your lip feels against the
>> tip of my tongue and the way you are
>> trembling against my chest.

>> Yes, then I'm dangerous.

Well, you get the idea.  I was just kidding around.  But she took me seriously and started getting a little more graphic though we never really did get into full blown cybersex:

> you should know that i have an oral fixation.  can a
> blow job be a fetish?  it is for me.  so i love
> hearing your perspective.  maybe someday i will
> share my perspective....

Now "I" was getting serious.  She's from Chicago, but was going to be in Reno on vacation this last week and my mind started planning and then planted a line:

>> And if you do not want to get caught, pick
>> someone out of town that you can have a
>> quick three day affair with.

And I got a positive response!

> I would love that kind of adventure!

So now it was time for details.

>> Good!  That's it. I hope you are ready
>> for this.  I drive to Reno.  You meet me
>> for dinner.
>>
>> That's it.  No expectation, no limits.
>> You do what you want, I do what I want.
>> To be honest, these things usually don't
>> work out.  That's fine. I'll understand.
>>  We'll have a nice dinner and laugh about
>>  it afterwards.

We were on a roll.  Could this work?

> OMG--- r u as crazy as i am
> o my.  i dont know what to think.  i read it all
> several times..... i
> think you are crazy.  but in a good way.....
> i think i am crazy too, not sure about the
> good part....
> crazier still that i am considering it.

> OMG.

> i just dont know. and you are so right about me:
> "Scared and out of control and carried away."
> now, another dimension of confusion to add to
> my life.  geez.
> <shaking my head in disbelief>

Well, I took that as a firm maybe but kept the heat on. This was more exciting than I though it would be. And it was getting scary.  It's hard to describe.  She seemed to be going with it.

> glad to hear you are having fun with this...
> i am too!  my own little secret.... lol....
> i am having fun, but i am still shaking my head
> over this too.... this is a little wild....
> and soooooooo fun.......
> i am not saying no...... i just dont know
> exactly what i am saying...... pleading deaf
> and dumb? lol

I loved the way she had of NOT saying no.  I kept the pressure on.  And then I got what I was looking for.

> ill be there!

That was the whole email.  Three little words.  But that's all I needed.  And I didn't let up just because I had a commitment.  I had to keep her from getting cold feet until I got there.

I tried something new, a cyber-ode.  It's poetry and music from all over the internet.  It took about four hours to put together.  Here's a small sample:

>> Her message was short, but written to share.
>> She had only a few seconds to express it with care.
>> But said everything I wanted to hear.
>> In three little words:    
>> I'll be there!

OK, so I'm not a poet.  But some of these other guys are.  Here's some of what I found:

>> Turn your speakers on and then just click and go.
>> It's a single association virtual scrapbook.  Have
>> fun.

(2013 note - most of these links are long broken)

>> Just to get started
http://www.loveandromance.net/illbethere.html

>> Hot and wet!
http://bennysings.homepage.com/IllBeThere.htm

>> Get naked and party hard!
http://mardigras.neworleans.com/mardigras_feature/messages/911.html

I Swear I'll Be There
http://members.aol.com/HaPKathy/iswear.html

Finale!
http://www.forums.net/dreamer/letmebethere/

Well, you get the idea.  Anything to keep her from
changing her mind.

Next we were on forum chat.

Lil (forum friend), this paragraph's to you.  When I was having "problems" the other night in chat, it was because I was switching back and forth between you in public and SweetAngel in private.  I couldn't type fast enough to say what I wanted before her husband got home.  I was nailing down the time, place and hotel.  Sorry Lil, but I had priorities and she had my head spinning.  She kept laughing at me and telling me I was going to hit the private button on the wrong line and post it to you.  It was fun.  And I got my message across.

Then I decided to leave before she had second thoughts. She couldn't tell me no if I was already on the road.

I hopped in the car and drove like hell.  I also forgot most of my clothes on the bed.  I Remembered after 300 miles, so went out and bought some new ones when I got to Reno.

I also bought three different types of condoms.  I though maybe I'd get a chance to contrast and compare.  After all, I've been monogamous for 16 years.  I needed to get up to speed with the NEW sexual reality.

Then I had an idea.

I knew she was seeing her husband off at the airport at 12:30 AM.  We were to meet at 1:30 AM in front of the Silver Legacy casino.  But I didn't want to wait.  I wanted to surprise her.

I drove to the airport and staked out the gate for over an hour.  No show.  At least not as she described herself.  Maybe she WAS a 14 year old boy.  Or maybe she just dropped him at the curb.  I scrambled back to the casino.

I was still on time, but she wasn't here either.  She should have had time to get from the airport by now.

I waited another 20 minutes.  I was getting worried.

Would this be a thousand mile drive for nothing?

Then I saw her at a distance.  She was alone at 2:00 in the morning. She fit the description and more.  She was stunning!  Then her cute little questioning smile, "Jack?"

I handed her a rose.

Those first moments are difficult.  I felt very shy.

I wanted to hug her.  I wanted to run away.  I wanted to kiss her.  I was afraid to touch her.  We did an awkward half-hug, bum hips kind of thing.  I was overwhelmed by her smile.  This was GREAT!  This was awful!  What next?  I tried to relax.  It was tough.

We walked.  We talked.  I walked too fast.  I tried to slow down, but was so tense.

I offered her desert since it was kind of late for dinner.  She wasn't hungry.  I offered to take her
for a walk.  She wanted to sit down.  I offered to take her to my hotel room in the tower.  She said she didn't think that was such a good idea.  I felt like an asshole of suggesting it.

Now I know what you're thinking.  I was just trying to get her in bed, but that's not the case. My room had a great view and a nice couch.  It WAS a good place to sit and talk.  But yes, it was a stupid idea.

I wasn't thinking well.  I was just trying to figure out what SHE wanted.  As we walked, I tried to hold her hand, but even this felt to awkward.

We walked by some closed restaurants and sat down there. I know, I know.  Not very romantic, but I
couldn't think of anything else and it didn't seem to matter.

We talked and talked.  It was getting late.  She said she was tired.  It was 3:00 AM.  I offered to walk her back to her car so she could leave.

At this point, I had pretty well given up on the chemistry thing.  I had it bad, but she seemed so reserved, I couldn't tell.  I thought she might be trying to find a graceful way out.

It was a fun adventure anyway and I really was glad to meet her.  At that point I wanted to make parting as un-awkward as possible.  We walked back toward the parking garage.  I tried to put my arm around her but felt funny.  Was it me or her?  I couldn't tell and I decided to fail safe rather than be a REAL jerk. Just try and make the next few minutes pleasant.

But I had a problem.  I knew when I got to the car, there would be that awkward "do we kiss?" moment. Or do we not?  I couldn't tell.  Shit.  I didn't know how to make this last part easy.  And then I got it.  Make a preemptive strike.

As the elevator door closed, I turned and put both hands against the wall on either side of her.  She
looked up.  I kissed her.  Gently at first, but she opened her mouth.  And then she went wild!  The kiss continued nonstop.  Our arms went around each other.  This apparently had been building for both me AND her. Now it all broke lose.

Our hands were all over each other.  She was like an exploding bomb.  Or was it me?  Or was it both of us?

When we had been teasing on email, I had suggested she just wear a light summer dress, and that's all.  Well shoes of course.  I quickly discovered she had followed my suggestion.  I could feel her everywhere.  Nothing between us except that thin dress.

The elevator stopped.  The door opened.  We both look up.  No one there.  We went back to kissing as the door closed and took us to another floor automatically.  As long as the door was closed, I didn't care.

And she really knew how to kiss.  She was all over me and I was all over her.  The elevator stopped, but the door didn't open. Fine.

I reached for the hem of her dress from behind and just slid my hand up the back of her leg.  It was a hot night, but she was even hotter.  The farther up the back of her leg I went, the hotter she felt.

As I got close, she moved one leg to the side a little and granted me access.  She was already very wet everywhere. Even her legs were wet.  Two fingers slid in easily.  She moaned around my tongue.

Talk about fast transition!  From giving up on the relationship to having my fingers in her in only a few seconds!  I LOVE adventure!

She started fumbling with my pants just as the elevator door opened again.  A valet parking guy was standing there looking at us.  She let go of my pants.  We got out of the elevator shyly and looked around.

He stared at us until the door closed.

"Wrong floor", she said.  I grinned.  I couldn't stop grinning.  "Let's take the stairs", I said.  At the top of the stairs she looked around and said, "I don't see my car", as if this was enough to dismiss the subject.

She started kissing me again.  DAMN! Full speed ahead.  And now she was humping my leg.  I needed to take the lead before she pulled me down on the concrete in front of the elevators.

I asked, "which direction?".  I got a kind of a wave of her hand but she didn't bother to even open her eyes. She just laid her head against my shoulder and mumbled, "this isn't real".  I agreed, "this isn't real, but it will be if security shows up", I laughed.

I wrapped my arm around her waist and we headed out in the direction she indicated.  When we got to her car and she unlocked her door, I said, "let's go to my hotel".  She said no, I've got to get back.  Mom's going to wonder where I am.  She was staying with her parents.

What?! I didn't want her to leave.  I spun her around so I was against her car door to block it.  I kissed her again.  This kiss wasn't as big a surprise.  She was ready.  And this was no good night kiss either.  She didn't want to leave either.

I reached down and put my fingers back in, but from the front this time.  She began rocking against them. She reached down and lowered my zipper.  I backed up a little.  She already had her hand wrapped around my cock.

I reached down and pulled it out around my shorts.  I pushed it between her legs.  I was just going to
leave it there for a while, but she had other ideas.  She kind of squatted down a little so I could gain access. Again, I took the lead.  I rubbed the head against all her wetness a couple of times and then straight up in to her cunt.

All the way.

She groaned.  I found her mouth.  Another one of those wonderful kisses as I started a steady rhythm.  God, she felt good.  I wasn't going to last long.

And then a car came by.  I pulled out and pulled her dress down around us.  We both looked at the car and laughed at the same time.  They weren't looking at us.  The car went on.

We went back to the kiss.  My cock was caught between our stomachs.  She started rubbing her clit against the base of it and saying, "like that, like that, yes".  I pulled the strap of her dress down below her left tit.  I bent down and sucked on it trying to distract myself.  It was nicely shaped.

Next she did something that surprised me.  She reached down, grabbed my cock, hopped up on one leg, wrapped the other around my back and slid down over my cock again.  I remember thinking, if that's what you want, that's what you'll get.  I started fucking her hard.  She started making lots of noise.

I think she was getting close.  So was I.  Too close.

I pulled out just in time.  I was barely able to back off the peak.  She reached down and put me against her stomach again and continued humping me.  This was almost as good and I could hold out longer.  But she said, "I want you in me".  I had regained a little control.  Time for another try.

This time I pushed her against the other car and pulled up her dress just as she rotated her pelvis
out to meet me.  I drove up into her hard through my fist and then wrapped my arms around her neck holding her lips to mine as I steadied myself against the car with my other hand.  This was crazy.  I could smell her on my hand and her cheek.  In three strokes I was right back to the edge again.

Another car.  We froze.  I didn't pull out this time.  It felt good to just be in her.  The car went by.  I started applying pressure against her, but not moving at all.  That did it.  She said, "yes, like that, yes, yes, yes", but started moving her ass and the little strokes began again. And got deeper.
 
It didn't take long.  I was right back there. Something about the situation.  Something about this girl.  Something about her kiss.  I was usually fast the first time, but not this fast.

I slowed back down just to the pressure and said, "I don't want to get you pregnant and I can't control this". She gasp, "I'm on the pill, do it!".

Well you guys can relate to this part.  It's like in a drag race when all the lights go green at once.  You are already deep-staged and have a half second window to get it right.  You drop the clutch and push your foot to the floor.

I roared into that final slamming surge.  Her ass was against the door of the other car.  Her feet were coming off the ground with each up stroke.  I don't know if I lasted four strokes or five but I kept pounding away for 10 or 20.

There was lots of noise, but I don't know who was louder.  Pretty soon it was just the sound of our
breathing.  I kissed her again.  Soft this time.  Nice.  My fingers on her cheek were wet and sticky.  I loved the smell. Her eyes were still closed and once again she said, "this isn't real".

It was one of the most real experiences of my life, one of those all time great pieces of ass.  Such a strange lead up.  Such drama.  And then no doubt about chemistry or anything else.  During those last seconds, it's not romantic at all.  It's just DO IT.

We started laughing.  I said, "I forgot the condoms", as I zipped up.  She countered with, "I hope you don't have any diseases".  I told her my wife was pretty careful.  It's a good thing.  I'm obviously not.

Then again she said, "this isn't real".  I said, "you can believe that if you want, but it sure felt real to me".  She smiled.

I open her car door and said, let's go to my hotel.  She drove out to the street.  Cars were coming, but she could make it.  I said, "punch it Chewy!".  She said, "What?"  I noted it was a line from Star Wars.

I was glad she was driving.  I had my fingers in her again.  I was getting ready for round two, but she pulled up in front of my hotel door instead of parking.

"You're not coming up?"  She insisted she had to go.  I told her I wanted to see her tomorrow.  She said, "I don't know, I want to give my marriage a chance".

She added, "this is it.  This wasn't real".  I'm not going to call. I'm not going to see you tomorrow, but I want you to still be my email buddy."

"Sure, but at least call me", I responded.

"I don't think I can".

She also said she wasn't sure what was going to happen with her boyfriend, and that all her wires were crossed. She said her wires were like her hair, all tangled up.  I noticed her tangled hair and put my face in it. She didn't pull away or hold on.

I pulled back and tried to back off on the pressure, or maybe just gain control of myself.  Finally I told her this had already turned out far better than I had hoped and whatever happened tomorrow, I was OK with it. No strings.  I told her I had what I had came for.  And more.

But I didn't mean it.  I wanted to fuck her again right there.  I wanted to hold her.  I wanted to fall asleep with her.  I was barely able to breath normally.

I only kissed her instead.  She smiled again and I got out.  I didn't look back as I went into the hotel. Maybe I could tease her enough to get her back over tomorrow.

I walked into my room not touching the ground and fell on the bed.  I couldn't stop grinning.  I had been up for nearly 24 hours, but I felt great.  I didn't think about anything.  I just felt.  And I slept.

The next morning all I could do was think!  And it was all about her.  Was this really the end?  Would I never see her again?  I already missed her.  I wanted her in my bed.

And then it hit me.  Email!  I needed to find a Kinko's and send her an email.  I wasn't ready for this to be over.  I got dressed and headed out.

This is what I sent:

>> Subject: 0 to 200 MPH in 4 seconds!

>> You're like an exotic sports car.  How do I
>>  get this thing in gear?  Let's see that's
>> not working. How about this? WOW!  Hold on!
>> WWWWOOOOWWWW!

>> I don't care what I said last night, I DON'T
>> want just one little kiss.  I want MORE!
>> This doesn't have anything to do with your
>> marriage or even your boyfriend.

>>  It's about you and me!

>> So don't even think about it.  Just get here
>> as soon as you can.  Room 1233.

>> I only plan to leave to eat, or email you if
>> you don't show up.  But show up!  This
>> afternoon.  Tonight. As soon as you can
>> get away.

>> I love the way you feel in my arms. I LOVE the
>> way you surrender.  I was right about you.
>> I want to untangle your wires.  Or maybe
>> tangle them up some more.

>> I don't know about you, but it no longer
>> feels awkward. You destroyed that in about
>> 4 seconds.  And it's something I want to do.
>> More than I remember wanting in a long,
>> long time.

>> But it was just a teaser!  I want to stare in
>> your eyes and feel you tremble as you try NOT
>> to come.  And fail. Over and over.

>> I was full of bullshit last night when I said
>> I got everything I wanted.  I didn't.
>> I want YOU!  Now.  Right now!  We need to take
>> a shot at burning this thing out before I leave.

>> Let me make this special for you.  I mean that.
>> Give it a chance.  At least one more time.
>> I want to hold you at least one more time.
>> Or twenty.

She never got the email.  It got lost somewhere between Kinko's and Yahoo but I didn't know that at the time. I went back to the hotel and waited.  And waited. And waited.

A few hours later, she called.

"You got my email!", I exclaimed.

"What email?".

"From Kinko's!".

"I didn't get any email".

"But you called!".

"I couldn't help it.  I want to see you again".

"Don't worry, I'm not leaving until you get here".

"You make this too easy".

"I want to see you too.  I'm really glad you called".

I'll re-send the email, but just come anyway.  I'll be waiting".

And I waited for another couple of hours.  I had lots of time to think.  What was happening here?  I had misread her so badly last night, I had no confidence I understood anything at all.  I didn't care.  I just wanted to be with her.  See her.  Touch her.  Smell her.  It was pretty primal.  I would figure it out later.  Maybe.

I waited.  I watched TV.  I read.  I tried not to think to much.  It was because of, "this isn't real".  I was afraid of what it meant.  Or didn't mean.  I wanted to continue denying reality for as long as I could.  And then I heard the knock.

I went to the door and looked through the peep hole.  I saw darkness, or was that a thumb?  I swung open the door.  Her hand snaked from around the corner where she had been playing with the peep hole.

I grabbed her hand.  She rolled into my arms and we kissed.  "That's what I needed", I said.  "I need something else", she said, smiling.

We went in and closed the door.  At last some time alone with her.  I took it slow.     We sat on the
couch and I showed her pictures of my boys.

But she had other ideas.  She kept looking at my crotch!  I had on a swimming suit and she pushed me back on the couch and pull it down, laughing all the time.

She scooted up, reached back, grabbed my cock and sat down on it.  That simple.  That easy.  No resistance.  She was that wet.  She also had this big grin on her face. I kissed her again.

She pulled my tee-shirt off and I pulled her dress over her head.  She was instantly naked.  Just like before, nothing underneath.  But this time I could SEE her.  She sat up and began riding me in earnest.

She was beautiful.  Perfect breasts, and a stomach most women would kill for.  No lines, no marks, she was gorgeous.  And it all was moving.  Undulating over my hips.  I tried to take it all in at once.  I just stared.  I couldn't look hard enough, nor look away.

She open her eyes and said, "Don't look at me", in a teasing way like she wanted to make sure I was
looking at her.  She didn't have to worry.  I was trying to memorize everything about her.

Then she closed her eyes again and move her hand down to her trimmed pubic hair.  She began little circles on her clit.  I was fascinated.  I knew that as long as I stayed distracted watching her, I could last for a while.

Then she moved a little forward up my stomach so my cock was only about halfway in. I could feel the pressure she was applying behind her pelvic bone.

It was a weird position but I was fine with it.  It must have been just right for her, because her hand sped up so fast I thought she was going to hurt something.  "She must know what she's doing", I thought, and just continued watching.  Her face contorted.  She was coming that fast! It couldn't have been more than a couple of minutes. Wow!

"Tell me you can feel that", she moaned in a deep voice.  And I did.  I felt her contractions from the inside.  This lady was FUN!  I was mesmerized.  She was so beautiful and so swept away with her own sexual feelings.

Like some magnificent animal in a race she knew how to win.  She collapsed on top of me.  I held her.  I felt her heart beating.  I felt it from the inside around my cock.  I let her relax a while and then started slow movements from underneath.

I was just getting started.  This was the overture.  You know the part when they give you just a sample of all the music that you are going to hear in the show.  Whenever it started feeling too good, I changed positions.

I flipped her over on the couch, brought her legs up to her chin and I slid in again.  After a while, I picked her up and laid her on the bed.  I put her on her side with her legs together and her knees pulled up.  I went in from the back almost sitting on the bed.  This one felt great too.  Too great.

Without pulling out, I pulled her on to her knees in the classic doggy position.  When this got too good, I pulled her back into a sitting position and let her control things for a while.

I stopped just in time and laid her on her back next to me.  We were both hot and sweaty and EVERYTHING was slippery.  I went into her in the scissor position and laid there playing with her clit and pubic hair. It was nicely trimmed the same red/brown as her head.  This lady was authentic.

But she kept moving around my cock from the inside.  And the slippery skin got to be too much for me.  I threw my arms around her waist and hammered her from the side.  I might have hurt her a little.  She was starting to role to the side, but I couldn't stop.  I lost control and came very hard.  Damn!, she was fun!  I just laid there trying to breath.

We began talking about sexual histories and she also ask if I was an axe murderer.  I laughed at this but said I guess it's a valid concern.  We talked about her exhibitionism and her boyfriend.  She told me she wanted me to write about meeting her.  I told her I would.  So I am.

She got up to go to the bathroom and then started dressing.  "I thought you were going to stay for the evening!", I exclaimed.

"No, I only have a few minutes", was her answer.  Now I understood the problem with affairs.  No wonder she like to come fast.

"But you didn't come with me that last time.  I thought we had more time", I was grasping for straws.

"I did a few minutes ago, and last night! God, last night!  I have never come so fast in my life.
That's why I called today.  That's why I had to see you again", she explained.  Was this all about sex?  Was I a toy?

I ask her, "Am I just a dildo?".

"No, but you certainly ARE a fun toy", she used the very word I was thinking.

Then she looked at me kind of sad, "I going to break your heart, I think".

"I hope so", I said, and I meant it.

I didn't want her to leave.  I wasn't ready.

"Will you come back tomorrow?, I asked.

"No, and that's for sure", she answered.

"Then I'll leave town so you won't be tempted", my last attempt at some kind of balance. She had one of those enigmatic smiles.  You know, like the Mona Lisa.

She went to the door.  I was still naked.  We stood at the open door and kissed.  Another one of those really good ones.  God I couldn't let go, but I couldn't let her know I couldn't let go.  I let go.

She laughed walking down the hallway, "get back in there, you'll get arrested".

I let her walk away. I went back in.

She didn't know it, but then I cried.  I don't know where it came from.  It was a wonderful feeling.  She had a beautiful body and a great smile. The sex was fantastic, but for me, this was all about feeling again after leaving my wife.  It hurt, but it felt like a welcoming.  The best thing to do for a broken heart, is get it broken again.

I had found a strong and safe counter-balance to my wife.  It was a bitter-sweet victory.  This night I didn't sleep at all. I walked the casinos.

I thought about a lot of things.  Had I seduced her, or had she seduced me?  The score was tied at two and two, so maybe it was even.  We had seduced each other.  I wondered how she felt about me.  So much was still a mystery.

She's the one who described it when she was talking about our first time very early that morning.  She said it happened so fast, but was in slow motion.  That's how these last two days had been for me.  I would think about this little trip a lot.  It had been a fantastic first encounter.

So what was this all about really?  She called it her pocket fantasy, and that's where she said she was going to keep it, in her pocket.  I would keep it there too.  It was almost too good.

At sunrise I left.  I was afraid she would call.  This was as close as I wanted to get right now.  This was good enough.

Once again I drove.  And drove.

Jack


(2013 - When I post this story on the forum we got LOTS of feedback, plus and minus.  The sysop said we set a site hit record that day and the next.  Another lady I'd been flirting with on the board was VERY pissed.  Lots of the regulars knew us both, but thought I'd made it all up.  As you may recall, I'm not good with fiction. Finally, Sweet Angel posted)


i am going to say my piece, now let there be peace, PLEASE!
                                   by sweetangel

 i don't know who wants to read this, but i want to say it.

 i have been in great turmoil for over a year now. i see the last year as a big
 journey. i am going to try to answer some questions i have been asked, give some
 background, just tell my story.

 at some point in my marriage, i lost myself. the real and true core self. i felt like a
 shell. i was living the fairy-tale life, complete with loving, handsome and successful
 husband, wonderful children, lovely home, my own successful business. but where
 did i go?

 i set out to find myself. lots of introspection. reading. participating in many
 different types of cyber bulletin boards. sounds like a crazy conclusion, but i decided
 that i lost myself because of sex.

i have always been very sexual. it is a part of me. it is important to me. yet the
 man i loved and married is not a sexual person. i felt judged by his inhibitions and
 biases. little by little i began to smother that part of me. not his fault. we are
 happy, we have a good marriage. i allowed it to happen. as i smothered the sexual
 me, the rest of me went down too.

 later, when my affair began, i truly felt that i had found myself. looking through the
 eyes of my boyfriend, i felt ok. he never judged me in any way. he was so accepting of all of
 me. not just accepting, but so enthusiastic. i felt that he saw the real me,
 connected with the real me on a primal level. we needed each other for many
 reasons. neither of us ever wanted to leave our marriages. no happily ever afters.
 no ILYs. (responding to whoever said i professed to be so in love with my boyfriend, i
 never have said that. i defined our affair as friendship with perks. i care about him,
 he has a special place in my heart and an important place in my life. but love? no.)

 by living the affair, and continuing to post on the boards, i learned and grew. i felt
 like i was finally gaining some order to the chaos i felt inside.

 when the affair began, i would ask myself, am i better off with my husband or without. i always
 said WITH. as time went on, i could no longer answer that question. for months i
 struggled. not because of the affair, because of my own turmoil. just what did i want
 in this life? could i see forever anymore? the happily ever after part of my marriage
 had disappeared.

 which brings me to this forum. i love this place. the people here are diverse. and
 normally very non-judgmental. that is why i stayed. i posted for months under a
different name. when i thought someone from real life was lurking, i stopped posting for
 a while, then got a new handle, sweet-angel. i tried to let people know. i think most
 of ya did. i started posting again, but not often. still afraid of my RL lurker. lol.

 this pretty much brings us up to the last few weeks. around this time, i began to
 correspond with Jack. over the months of reading each and every post by each one of
 you, somehow his words touched me. maybe i could tell he was in chaos just like
 me. (for different reasons? maybe.) as we got to know each other, things clicked.
 we both have many unconventional ideas about the world, and yet we see the valid
 points of convention. it is hard to explain. it is part of being aquarius. lol. he was
 the voice of reason to me. he saw answers where i hadn't asked the question yet.
 and yes, there was lots of flirting going on too.

 two weeks ago, i felt at such a crossroads in my life. i wanted to put a stop to the
 chaos. my affair was coming to its natural end. my marriage seemed to be on the
 upswing. but more introspection was needed. and maybe a little more drama? i felt
 like i was standing on a cliff. jump or fly? the future was uncertain. i was all keyed
 up inside, like a whirlwind.

 now the whirlwind had the opportunity to meet the voice of reason. what to do?
 JUMP!

Jack and i spent some time together. y'all have heard all about that. <sic> Jack wrote
 from a particular angle. kind of a sexual male fantasy thing. when i read it, i could
 see his angle. i knew it wasn't the whole picture. he posted it with my permission,
 but left my name out of it in case i didn't like it. i didn't expect to set off a bunch of
 wild fire flames. geez. what happened to my old non-judging board???? anyway, the
 experience was special and amazing. that is all i will say about it. enough has been
 said.

 at this point i want to say something to everyone:

 to all of you, everyone had something valid to say. to those who tried to come to a
 much needed defense, thank you. i know you meant well. to those of you who GET
 it, thank you. if you have gotten anything positive from the whole thing---
 something to think about, a good laugh, or a good orgasm (lol)--- that makes me
 happy. that is the whole point of the board. to share and learn.

 btw, i believed the original post from bigbobbo in texas was a joke from a regular.
 (hmmmmm, who could that have been? lol) i responded in kind, jokingly. man.
 attacked again. geez. momma always said, if ya cant think of something nice to
 say, don't say anything. i will leave it at that!!!!!!

 back to me. it is MY story! lol.

 i am back on the main road in my journey of life. the affair is over. the fling was sort
 of a grand finale. everything in the last year has helped me grow, get back to
 myself, back to my marriage.....

 i feel a peace now that i haven't felt in so long. i can see the future in my marriage
 again. the happily ever after is back! now i know what i didn't know early in the
 marriage. life is a journey. uphill. lol. my life with my husband is the main road. i
 had some detours. i am back on the highway.

 if this has helped anyone along the way, i am so glad. all of you are on journeys
 too. and posting your stories for me to learn from has been my sanity and my
 salvation. thank you!

 this was long, maybe i should have written a book. lol.

 ::smile::
 ((((((HUGS for all of you))))))

 sweet-angel

(2013 - Actually, her affair with her boyfriend didn't end.  Either did ours.  And true to her fear, we fell in love with each other.  I flew out every few months for the next couple of years.  For a few days at a time we would create an "unreal" world for ourselves, what I call fuck storms.  She once came 119 times in about four and a half hours, yelling out the count.  I think it was nine for me.

And there were others she fell in love with.  We even had a threesome with her boyfriend at one point.  He's a cool guy and was as comfortable sharing, as I am. As you can see, Sweet Angel is one intensely sexual person.  And like me, she doesn't fall out of love easily. But after a couple of years we started to become more of a threat to her marriage, even more than her boyfriend was.  And I promised I wouldn't let that happen.

You see, to her credit, she still loves her husband, and has found accommodation that works for her. So we cooled it, but remain in a very romantic space and still communicate by web and phone.  She's even Skyped web-cam sex with her boyfriend once for my benefit.  Yes, he's still in her life, and in her cunt.  I envy him. But yes, I celebrate ALL of the joy she can find.  We exchanged emails just last week. She'd doing well.

Having just re-read this story, it says a lot about why people cheat.  Sweet Angel is an excellent example of a supplemental affair as opposed to an exit affair.  If you're careful they can go on for years, or in this case, more than a decade.  Will she get busted next week?  Will it change anything if it happens?  I doubt it.  She has given more than most can imagine to her marriage, but she has a better idea of who she is now, and I think would live out her nature publicly if that happened - own it, what ever form it took.  But that's just a guess.  It will always remain her choices to make.  I promised not to temp her (too much).

She knows about my book.  And she knows about this blog.  Who knows, she may chime in here at any time.  I'd love to see her comments on these last few paragraphs.  Finally, the story seems as hot to me as when I lived it.  It brings to mind all the other days we spent together.  I still miss her smell.  I still miss feeling her come over and over rubbing against the base of my cock the way she does.

Let me know what you think. - Jack)