Here's a question and answer I posted from a cheating wife site I've frequented. It's very much on topic:
> Do you think it is possible to keep EMR (Extra Marital Relationship)-like sex in a long-term marriage?
Good question. As a matter of fact, Tom Robbins said it was THE question - "How to Make Love Stay".
And surprisingly, it has several good answers. After years on this board I decided most relationships have a life cycle, including a date stamp. But if you're careful to not leave the milk out too long, you can keep things fresh well after the date stamp. That's what relationship self-help is all about. But let's face it, sooner or later the mind becomes desensitized to the same smile, the same tits, and yes even the same vagina or cock. It's how we manage when that happens that makes all the difference.
When you meet someone new you first notice their quirks. In the beginning these quirks are cute and even become cues to arousal. Later they will become the things you resent - the sharp edges. These quirks will be the very things you miss when the relationship is over. But I'm getting off topic.
Jack Morin wrote a book called the Erotic Mind in which he showed that the best sex happens when there is attraction (chemistry) and also a foil (something stopping you from getting together). That is one of the main reasons EMR sex is often so hot. You have a constant factor trying to keep you apart, AND few responsibilities. More details here:
http://www.amazon.com/Erotic-Mind-Unlocking-Sources-Fulfillment/dp/0060984287
So how do you keep sex fresh in the context of a marriage? Don't take anything for granted. Don't stop competing for their attention. In other words, keep courting. Unfortunately this is contrary to the whole concept of marriage, well unless you're polyamorus, which is another approach to explore.
But the quick and simple answer is to drag out the honeymoon as long as possible, and there are lots of tricks to do this. Many of them I describe in "How to Make Love Die" (warning - lots of erotic description):
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss/184-9186586-8284753?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=%22how+to+make+love+die%22
It starts with no expectations - not an easy challenge. Then think of your relationship like zero-based budgeting. That's pretty much what you do in an EMR after all. Finally, seek the good parts, those things you enjoy most, then provide a good place for those parts to prosper.
Sex is like a bull and a butterfly all in one.
Have a care in how you treat them.
Jack
