How to Make Love Die - Part 2

How to Make Love Die

A Voyeur’s Confession – PART 2

By Jack Burton

Copyright 2012 Jack Burton - All rights reserved.

ISBN-13: 978-1470137915   ISBN-10: 1470137917  Revised 10-14-12

If you have questions, please contact jackburton4444@gmail.com

Or for public comments, http://howtomakelovedie.blogspot.com

Dueling Hearts

I got comfortable with Angela and started spending almost every night at her house.  And when you have lots of sex with someone, you tend to get attached.  This was happening with Angela.  Soon she asked when we were getting married.  I tried to back away gently, but I guess I was becoming a bit addicted too.  So I started spending more nights at home alone.  At least the pull-back kept the topic off the table.

   

Tracy could sense something was up and started laying on the tease. One day I gave Angela a tour of our offices.  Tracy saw green. She is quite vulnerable to reverse psychology, and as it turned out, jealousy.  Unfortunately, I'm not very good at lying or manipulating.  What's the point being in a relationship based on manipulation?  Things might have turned out differently if I had used her jealousy against her.  I'm just not very good at it.

   

I had honestly entered my relationship with Angela as an emotionally defensive move.  It had a very positive side effect. Tracy tried harder and I was torn between two very attractive situations.  One who loved me and gave me everything (especially her ass), and another who teased me and gave me nothing but smiles.  It's strange looking back.  The relationship with Tracy became more attractive.  You always want what you don't have.

   

It was about this time I first kissed Tracy.  It was after work in my office.  Some travel agent had sent me brochures for Bora Bora.  I asked Tracy if she'd like to spend a week on the island with me.

   

She said she couldn't do that unless we were married.  I said, "OK."  She just smiled so I kissed her.  And it was REAL good, but she pulled away.  I challenged her by noting that it was a good kiss.  She said it was TOO good and things would get out of control.  She was right.

   

A couple of weeks later we had gone for a walk and had stopped to look down into the river.  I was standing behind her.  I lean down to smell her hair.  She queried, "What are you doing?" 

I told her I was checking to see if she smelled right.

"AND?" was her response.

"You smell great," I answered as I dropped my hand down and placed it on her hip bone.  After a second I started moving it slowly inward across her pelvis.  Her hand clamped down on mine.

"What are you checking now?" she wanted to know.

"Your reflexes," was all I could think of, laughing.

That was as sexual as things got for the next several months.

   

This is a good place to bring up a major aspect of my personality.  I have a need to tell the truth.  Like I said, that's probably what this book is about.  Anyway, I told Angela all about Tracy.  At first Angela wasn't very threatened.  I also told Tracy some about Angela, but she didn't want to hear, so I dropped the subject.  At least I TRIED to be honest.

   

Angela said Tracy was too young for me (like that ever stopped anyone!).  Plus, Tracy already had a boyfriend.  Besides, from Angela's perspective, sex was very good between us and non-existent with Tracy.  Angela was right.  She seemingly had the advantage.  I left Tracy alone sexually.

   

I had told Angela my objective was to stay single until I just HAD to get married.  My way of doing this as to stay involved with two or three different women (more was just too complex).  This kept me emotionally confused.  So far I had made it six years since my first marriage ended.  Angela intended to un-confuse me.

I did get unconfused, but not with Angela.  Tracy would tease me all day long; then I would go over and fuck the hell out of Angela.  Angela dug it. 

Later we'd go for a walk.  I told her everything I was feeling.  It must have been tough.  She had a lot of character to put up with me, or maybe she was just determined to win, and wanted all the info she could get.

Anyway, Angela tried hard and listened well.  The more Tracy came on to me, the more I fucked Angela.  At least she seemed to be enjoying the ride. 

But little by little I was slipping.  I could feel it.  I couldn't get Tracy out of my head, out of my heart.

So Close

It was during this hot ass affair that Tracy broke up with the Test Manager.  Well, she tried to break up.  I think she was getting more jealous of MY new girlfriend.  She had seen me with Angela a few times.  One Friday morning, Tracy told me it was over with the Test Manager and she wanted to go out with me that night.  Was I ready for a break in this dance?  I was more than ready.  I blew off my date with Angela and waited around work for Tracy.

   

But she didn't show.  This was not unusual.  Tracy was never on time for anything.  She wasn't in her office and I assumed everyone had left, but I decided to look around anyway.  Both Tracy and the Test Manager's cars were still in the parking lot.  They were here somewhere.  The offices were empty so I went out to the assembly building.  The lights were off but just as I was getting ready to leave, I heard a noise.  I went in and closed the door behind me.

   

I quietly moved behind the racks to see where the noise was coming from.  This was a big open building with lots of tech equipment. They were in the lunch area in the far corner on the picnic table.

He was sitting on the bench and she was sitting behind him on the table.  She was massaging his neck.  They were talking but I couldn't hear what they were saying.  If I got any closer, they would see me.  All of a sudden, he turned his head up.  She bent down and kissed him.  My gut twisted.  So much for breaking up!  I know, I know, I only had a commitment for dinner, but that's not how it felt.

   

If this had been anyone else, I would have simply watched to see if they were going to go any farther.  It would have been fun.  But this was Tracy!  I was going ballistic.  Jealousy is a weird animal - no logic at all.

   

Should I interrupt them and asked if she was ready to go?  I didn't think so.  Should I slam the door and then walk in?  No.  If she wanted to go out with me, she would find me.  But I couldn't stay. I couldn't watch.  This was out of control.  I didn't want to know what would happen next, so I left.

   

As soon as I got back to my office, I changed my mind.  I wanted to know.  I wanted to watch.  I went back out to the assembly building and was being very quiet.  But they were gone!  I ran outside.  They were just pulling out of the parking lot in his car. She hadn't even had time to stop by my office - so much for my date, or even an apology for standing me up.

I gave up, burned again.  I went back to my office and wrote down what I like about her.  Then I wrote what I didn’t like about her.  It didn't help.  I still wanted her but the jealousy was overwhelming.

   

About an hour later they pulled back in the parking lot.  I could see them from the conference room window.  He dropped her off, and she was getting into her car.  By the time I got through the lobby and out the door she was already driving away.  I jumped in my car and followed.  It was easy to see where they were going - they'd had dinner and were headed back to his apartment.  When I caught up with them, he was already at the apartment complex gate letting her drive through holding the gate open with his access card.

What should I do?  Ask him to let me in too?  Shit!  I parked on the street and ran through the landscaping.  Maybe I could beat them to the door.  Then what would I do?  I wasn't thinking.  I just didn't want her to be with HIM!  I do freaky shit when I'm jealous.

Too late!  The door was closing as I came around the corner of the building.  Without thinking I screamed her name.  The door opened. She looked out into the darkness.  I froze.  If I didn't move, she wouldn't see me.  If I moved, maybe I could stop her.  She closed the door.  Too late, I should have moved.

It felt like a nuclear bomb had gone off in my head.  I walked back to my car, got in, and just drove back to the office and locked up. Next I headed east on the freeway at about 100 miles an hour. Whenever I was stressed, driving seemed to help.  I slowed down.  I was outrunning my headlights and almost missed a turn.  I opened the top and turned the stereo on high.  It was Elton John.  Speed, danger, and music helped a little, but not much.  What I really needed to do was give up on this teasing bitch.

   

After a few albums I started to get sleepy, so I turned around. Then I needed gas and pulled in at a truck stop.  I went for a walk to wake up.  I felt defeated and started driving back home, but slowly.  I really needed to forget about Tracy.  But I couldn't.

   

I got back to Angela's about sunrise.  She let me in and I told her everything.  It's a wonder she didn't kick me out.  Instead she took me to bed and put her ass in the air.  And I abused it real good, or real bad depending on current vernacular.  In any case, Angela seemed to like it.

I got on a plane for Las Vegas later that morning.  We were doing a convention there.  I had a suite at the top of the Hilton.  Tracy was coming down in a couple of days to work the booth.  This gave me time to think.  But by then I was in love with her again.  Shit.  I had it bad.

The Turning Point

   

I arranged it so I was the one to pick Tracy up at the airport.  It was 10:00 PM before her flight arrived.  I didn't want to take her to the hotel yet, so we drove out to Hoover Dam and went for a walk.  She was surprisingly compliant.  At one point she was teasing me and jumped off this concrete retaining wall.  I stepped in and caught her in my arms.  I held her a bit longer than needed.  We both noticed but didn’t say anything.  I wanted her so completely at that moment.  I was sure she felt it too.

   

We talked for hours before heading back to my suite.  She asked me if I was the one to yell her name in the dark a few nights earlier.  I said yes; I was pissed because she stood me up then went home with him.

   

A few days later she told me she didn't have sex with the Test Manger that night - she only gave him a blow-job.  What?  A blow-job is not sex?  And this was WAY before Bill Clinton established this new standard.  I guess she was trying to make me feel better.  I appreciated the honesty.

   

We talked about sex in general.  We both had an intense appreciation for sexual adventure.  It was the most frank discussion we had on the topic until then.  This was getting worse. I not only loved her, I intensely wanted to fuck her.  I had to have this woman!

   

I finally took her back to the Hilton but didn't give her the key to her room.  Instead I took her to my room at the pretense of showing off the suite.  Good sign!  I asked her if she wanted to stay.  She agreed to sleep with me if she could keep her clothes on.  At that point I would agree to anything.

   

I got her under the covers and we fell asleep.  After a couple of hours I woke up and realized she hadn't said anything about me keeping MY clothes on!  I got naked, crawled back in bed, and hugged her until I fell asleep again.

   

Later I woke up with the sun in my eyes.  I'm horniest at sunrise and we started kissing which lead to dry humping.  And I do mean dry!  She had on corduroy pants and I was getting some abrasion. She discovered I was naked and chastised me for it.

   

It didn't matter.  We were both breathing hard by then.  I was so hot for her, and I loved the way she was breathing.  I came all over the front of her pants.  She laughed and said she had never seen a guy do that before.  Same here, but I have again since.  I had never been with a woman that had that kind of effect on me.  I really wanted her. The tension was off the chart.

   

Later that day, we talked again about getting married.  It was more serious this time, and both of us knew it.  I was on cloud nine. But by the time I put her on her plane, she had cooled some.

   

When I returned home a couple of days later, she told me she went back to see her OLD boyfriend, the one before the Test Manager.  I was jealous!  I was pissed!  I was out of control!  I called Angela and rented some X-rated movies.  Angela and I watched movies and fucked all night.  I specifically remember doing her in the ass watching the same thing on the screen.  Did I know it was ending with her?  Did she?  She must have known something was up.

   

A couple of days later, Tracy said things just weren't the same with her old boyfriend.  She said she wasn't very good at going backwards.  I agreed it was hard to do.  She came over to my house to study, but didn't even open her books.

   

We were laughing and wrestling around in my den when things started getting hot.  I almost had her pants open when she said, "Wait."

I thought she was pissed off, but she got up, took my hand and lead me to my bedroom.  When she got there, she quietly took off all her clothes.  I simply watched.  I was in shock.  I had never wanted any woman so badly in my life.  Next she took off mine.  My heart was in my throat.  I was scared and excited all at once.

WOW!  What a night!  No hang-ups.  No games.  No strange dance. The teasing was over.  It was all about being as close to each other as we could be.  And we were, over and over and over.  We took it slow.  Well, after the first time at least.  We both came fast the first time.  Then we came again, again and again in a night of slow motion.  At least that's how it seemed.

   

I didn't even pull out of her between times.  I'd just lay there talking and touching her until I got hard again, still in her.  This happened three or four times in row.  And she came every time, or at least faked it well.  I was in heaven.  I loved making her come.  It was so easy!  It was like she had a magic button that would send her over the top.  At least that's the impression she gave me.  Who knows for sure?

   

The next morning I told her I had completely lost control.  I was totally in love with her.  I said I knew it was too fast so I wanted to give her some time to think about how she felt before she made any commitments.  I told her she had 72 hours and then I had to know for sure.

She said, "72 hours?  I want 72 years!  Then I'll tell you."

I proposed right then and there.  This time it was official.  She accepted before I finished the sentence.  No reservations.  No questions.  We were both totally blinded by what was happening.  We were in a love that can't be overstated or exaggerated.  It DOES happen.

   

We both had tried to stay apart at different times over the last six months.  The tension had become too great.  We were like two super-magnets that click together and couldn't be taken apart.  It felt so strong.  It felt so good.  It felt like it could withstand anything.  I even described it that way and she agreed.

   

We had been teasing each other for so long, there was no stopping us.  Or maybe there was no stopping me.  In retrospect, she said I swept her off her feet.  I had no choice.  She was like the shape of space.  Maybe it's just how I saw it, but she seemed to agree.

   

We had our first REAL date that next night.  We went to the movies.  We were both tired (not much sleep lately).  She fell asleep on my shoulder.  The movie ended.  The lights came on bright.  I sat in the theater holding her.  I let her sleep.

   

The cleaning crew probably thought I was nuts, but they didn't bother us. I was so in love, I could have stayed there forever.  After about half an hour, she woke up and was embarrassed to have slept through our first date.  I told her I loved watching her sleep.  I still do, even as I write this.

   

Angela was devastated when I told her of my engagement.  She tried everything to get me to do her ass one more time.  I felt bad, but it was too easy saying no.  She did send us a wedding present.  Looking back, I feel sad about how fast I dropped her.  She really was a very nice person.  She moved away not long after.

                

               

               

               

And now the STORM-BLAST came, and he

Was tyrannous and strong:

He struck with his o'ertaking wings,

And chased us south along.

With sloping masts and dipping prow,

As who pursued with yell and blow

Still treads the shadow of his foe

And forward bends his head,

The ship drove fast, loud roared the blast,

And southward aye we fled.

Is the Dance Over?

Some people think that once sex happens, the dancing's all done. Though not true, you do get some slack at this point.  Hopefully, it gives you a chance to solidify your position.

   

If love is silly, sex is downright absurd.  Two people with their limbs flailing around, breathing hard and yelling as if they are in pain does not make a lot of sense if you look at it objectively.  And that compelling, penetrating, and slippery part is simply funny if you can disassociate yourself from the experience.

But funny is not how it feels.  It feels SO serious.  Woody Allen said it's the most fun you can have without laughing.  It feels SOOOOO profound.  Where do these feelings come from?

And where do they go?

The sexual parts of the dance create an emotional connection.  An emotional connection powers the sex.  Sounds like a positive feedback loop to me.  And it is!  Sex drives emotion, and emotion drives sex!

   

When the dance happens quickly and you're slamming your genitals together before you know it, emotion is the side-effect.  And the emotional connection tends to get you laid.

Once this bonding loop locks in, a certain stability occurs. The more you do it, the better it works.  The better it works, the more you do it.  This is the honeymoon.  The blindness is unbelievable.  It takes an asshole indeed to screw up a honeymoon.

The trick is, how long can you make it last?  Or as Tom Robbins says, "The real question is, how do you make love stay?"  But let's not address that question quite yet.  Let's enjoy the honeymoon!

Married and Not Looking Back

Tracy said she didn't want to "live" with anyone before she got married, so every morning she would go back to her parents' house to brush her teeth and take a shower.  This seemed to help preserve her illusion.  But she was with me every night until we moved into our new home on our wedding day.  She plays such strange games at times.  This was one.

   

I had fallen in love and essentially proposed before we ever had sex.  When we finally did, it was great.  Everything fit so well. It was the best sex I can ever remember.  It does help to be in love.

   

We had over 400 people at the wedding (a lot of business associates) and of course a huge reception.  We couldn't agree on the cake.  I like spice and she likes chocolate so we had two with this bridge connecting them and holding two more layers at the middle of the span.  I got her a Golden Retriever puppy as a wedding gift and gave it to her as we were about to cut this cake.  She WAS surprised.  So was everyone else.  The puppy was freaked out but thankfully didn't pee on anyone.

   

This dog became the living metaphor of our marriage.  He was cute, friendly, and smart.  He had a lot of energy.  He grew to become sensitive, attentive, and trustworthy.  We took him running, on walks, and hiking through the mountains.  He provided unconditional love.  We came to have a lot of confidence in that dog.  And us.

   

We honeymooned of course in Tahiti, but we started even before we got there.  As soon as we reached cruising altitude over the Pacific, I flipped up the arm rest, grabbed a blanket and laid it over us.  We were sitting almost sideways.

It was late at night and they had just turned the lights down.  We looked pretty innocent, but under that blanket she pulled her pants down to her thighs and pushed her butt back toward me.  There's nothing like finding an eager, warm, and wet piece of ass in the dark.

   

I got my pants down just enough and slid into her easily.  We went slowly for a long time but when she started to come, I got carried away and held her tight with little pressure jabs. I remember she reached back and covered my mouth because I was making too much noise.  There was a teenage girl beside us, but she didn't seem to mind.  She just quietly watched.  We actually fell asleep with me still in her, holding on tight with the blanket over us. Yeah, we were crazy.

   

Once we landed, it was off to Bora Bora and that little hut over the water.  It was a remote and exclusive place - no TV, no phone, no blinking lights like Vegas.  But we didn't notice their absence.  We didn't notice much of anything the first couple of days.  WE were the entertainment.  We fucked on the deck watching the fish, we fucked on the beach at night in a thunderstorm.  We fucked against a palm tree at dawn.  She kept count.  I had fifty three orgasms in ten days.  She said she came about 80 percent of the time.  We were forming a pattern.  We generally started out making love, but always ended up fucking.  We talked about the distinction.

   

It was a great honeymoon.  And such a beautiful place.  You could lie on your stomach looking over the edge of the deck and see thousands of exotic fish.  They came in schools of each type. Sometimes there were bright orange ones, or a thousand pencil fish.  It was all so exotic.  The water was perfectly clear; you could see the grains of sand on the bottom twelve feet down.  The clarity was from the wave action on the reef.  The waves constantly dumped clean ocean water into the lagoon.  It's part of what makes Bora Bora so beautiful.  And then there was Tracy lying naked on the bed.  I took pictures.  She was gorgeous.

   

We had breakfast in the main lodge, took a sunset dinner cruise on a fifty foot catamaran.  Other days we tried restaurants in town. We walked for miles.  We rode bikes all the way around the island. There were coconuts and little crabs everywhere.  It really is the most beautiful place on earth.  Or maybe it just seemed like it.

   

Everything was perfect.  At least until Tracy got a bad sunburn. Then we stayed in our room looking out over the lagoon for hours as I rubbed oil all over her body.  No, it wasn't a sexual thing.  As a matter of fact that was the only day we DIDN'T have sex on our honeymoon.  I brought her dinner from the lodge.  I loved taking care of her.  Again, I watched her sleep.  I could have frozen that moment forever.

   

I think we both needed a break from the sex anyway.  We were getting sore.  But we made up for it as soon as she felt better.  And this non-stop sex didn't slow down much when we got back to work.  Two or three times a day was common for several years.  And I do mean years.  Then it backed off to once or twice a day.  She is a great piece of ass.  It wasn't just her body (which I loved), it was her way of teasing, and then being coy.  Yep.  We were still dancing.

   

We played.  We teased.  But each time the playing dropped away once she got seriously aroused.  Then she would lose control and just get lost in the feeling.  I could make her come several times in a row.  She was so hot I would recover quickly.  Once I came again in just over a minute (she was timing it to see how fast I could recover).  That was a record.  I loved how she played with sex as if were an art form.  We both did.  We were like kids finger painting in kindergarten.

   

The other thing that made her such a great piece of ass is that she never said no.  Even if she was mad, I could still seduce her. Once I got her started; it was like she had no defenses.  I took advantage every chance I got, which was often.  I adored the way she had of fucking me hard when it counted.

   

But things seemed too good to be true, and it concerned me.  What if I sexually wore out this relationship?  I started to string out the exploration.  You know, not do everything the first month or even the first year we were married.  I delayed trying new positions.  Later, I switched sides of the bed; it altered the approach and feel.

Early on I tried to find ways to keep sex fresh for both of us. This was definitely a woman I didn't want to get bored with.  She was making my children, helping our business, and generally lots of fun to be with.  I LOVED being in love with her.

It's hard to tell from reading this, but our relationship wasn't just about sex.  It was about everything.  We spent all of our time together.  Well almost.  We slept together.  We ate together.  We worked together. And soon we raised kids together.

Once when I was in London for a week on business, she met me at the airport in one of her Tahitian dresses that tie at the waist.  It was in the middle of winter and there she was with no shoes, flowers in her hair, and a square piece of cloth wrapped around her in just the right way - with nothing else on.  You could see her nipples through the fabric.  She said everyone was staring at her, but it was worth it to remind me of our honeymoon.

   

There were lots of times like this.  We use to see who could be the most outrageous.  Once I got a sitter for the girls and picked her up from work at about noon.  She thought I was taking her to lunch, but instead we drove to the airport and flew to San Francisco for the weekend.  We stayed at the top of the Embarcadero Hyatt, ate at the rotating restaurant, and took walks along the pier.  It was cold, but it was fun.  And there was always our favorite way to get warm.

               

     

And now there came both mist and snow,

And it grew wondrous cold:

And ice, mast-high, came floating by,

As green as emerald.

And through the drifts the snowy clifts

Did send a dismal sheen:

Nor shapes of men nor beasts we ken--

The ice was all between.

The ice was here, the ice was there,

The ice was all around:

It cracked and growled, and roared and howled,

Like noises in a swound!

The Beach Ball

Tracy was pregnant within three months of our marriage.  It was great.  She is normally a very small woman, 5'2" and about 105 pounds.  She had a very small waist.  But then her belly started growing, and growing, and growing!  At about 8 months, she got to look like a person strapped to the side of a beach ball.

The baby was a very round package.  She doesn't have a lot of extra fat anyway, so she looked comical, but still gorgeous.  She was like my toy.  I kept taking nude pictures of her.  I would silhouette her against the sliding glass door or take her naked out into the yard and pose her beside a tree for contrast.  She looked so out of balance, like she was going to fall over.

   

I know you'll think I'm a pervert, but her getting big didn't slow down the sex much.  If anything the pelvic congestion just made her hornier.  There was less deep penetration during the last couple of months of course, but we tried LOTS of other things from mutual masturbation to food tricks on her stomach.  I used to have desert there all the time, well, and a little lower too.  I probably ate her out more when she was pregnant than any other time.  She said it woke the baby up when she came.

   

We also experimented with anal a bit at this time, but it didn't provide any advantage.  Neither of us was much into it.  Toward the end of the pregnancy I got good at shallow fucking with manual assist.  It worked pretty well.  We usually both got off this way. I had sex with her only two nights before our first daughter was born.

   

After the baby, other changes started happening.  Her tits got huge. Well not huge like on the internet, but huge for her small frame. I'm not usually in to big tits, but I had fun with these.  I even drank a little milk.

You hear sad stories about how sex flies off with the stork.  It didn't work that way for us.  With a young infant, we spent even MORE time in bed.  There was no penetration for a couple of weeks, but since she had a C-section, she was ready sooner than she might have been.  She seemed to really like getting back into it.  Coming made her tits leak.  She said it also helped contract her uterus and shrink her stomach back to normal size.  So she wanted LOTS of orgasms.  And she got 'em.

   

Nursing also made her horny.  More than once she wanted me in her while nursing our daughter.  This was a wonderful time in our marriage.  I was more in love with her than ever.  And the sex was great.

   

It was so much fun doing all these different baby things.  I guess I wasn't that good at changing diapers (she said I just needed more practice), but later I did prepare lots of bottles.  I loved watching her take care of our daughter.  She recovered quickly. Soon she had her old shape back.  And when the nursing stopped, her tits went back to normal - not quite as perky, but close.  And they had more character.

Back in Action

   

On my Sunday morning run I would stop by 7-11 and get her coffee and a paper.  While she read the paper, I would eat her out.  Our romance blended right into our love making which ended as fucking, and the afterglow blended right back into our romance.  We spent most Sundays in bed.

Often sex somewhere out in the woods on a hike would end up in a long conversation about what we like about each other.  And long conversations often ended up with sex.  I remember thinking at the time, "This is what marriage is supposed to be."

   

As she got back into running, we both got seriously back into sex. We read stories from Penthouse to each other and tried to spot the fake parts.  I was more into the stories than she was, but she seemed to like the effects it had on me, especially the ones that involved other men sharing their wife.

   

We talked about her other fantasies too.  They were more romantic and less sexual, but some of them were VERY graphic and involved anonymous sex or sex with strangers.  Some of these she wanted to leave as fantasies, but others I teased her about trying.  I would have done anything she wanted at that point, and vice versa I think.

   

I had been is a couple of ménage a troises before and I brought them up.  They were both MFM, but they were lots of fun.  I think these MFMs were when I realized that I'm a true voyeur.  I liked to watch another couple having sex but even more, I liked to watch someone I loved being seduced, as long as they came back to be with me.

   

Her sex life had been comparatively limited before me, but she did have sex with three guys in one day.  She accomplished this by going from house to house with her three boyfriends over a period of about six hours.  She said she never had them all at once, but she would have liked to have tried.

   

She seemed receptive to the threesome idea, but wondered if the reality could ever live up to the fantasy.  She said she would give me hints if she ever met someone she liked enough to try it. She also said that I should have a signal to tell her it was OK. So I came up with one.

   

Tracy has this very sensitive spot in the small of her back.  If anyone touched her there, they could do anything they wanted with her sexually.  I loved to play with that spot.  She said if I ever told anyone else about this spot, she would know I was ready to share her.  No matter what happened, she said she would always keep me informed.  The thought intrigued me, but I decided to keep her to myself for as long as possible.  This was a wonderful woman. She would do anything for me.  And maybe she did.

Feeling the Bed Move

Another thing that made me wonder about her sexuality was her midnight masturbation sessions.  Don't get me wrong.  I masturbated too, partly to not "wear" her out, partly as fantasy.  But I think masturbation for her was different.  For her, it was a way to relax or go to sleep.

That's another way we were different.  I'm a morning person, but Tracy's sleep schedule constantly changes, but she tends to stay up late.  We talked about this before we ever started going out and it concerned me.  Also, I almost never wake up at night and she wakes up all the time.

I like to go to bed about 10 every night and get up at 5.  For the first several years of our marriage, Tracy more or less matched my schedule except she would wake up at two and be awake for an hour or so.

She also had another problem with sleeping.  Her legs would twitch. This was pretty weird.  I would wake up with her giving me little kicks.  At first, I would be half awake and think she was after sex.  I would often try to accommodate.  Of course, she would then really wake up and what do you do when you're both awake?  At least "I" enjoyed it.  Often she was too sleepy.

Other times I would just feel the bed move in a subtle random jerky kind of way.  Once I figured out what was going on, I would simply go back to sleep.  This got easier to deal with after we got one of those soft-sided waterbeds with the vertical tubes.  They provide a lot of isolation.

But there's always the exception.  One time after we had been married several years, I again woke up to movement in the middle of the night.  But this movement was different.  It was more rhythmic. I slowly moved my arm sideways VERY slowly, until I could just feel the hair on her arm.  Sure enough, her arm was moving in a consistent way.  She was masturbating!

I had invented something new! - tactile voyeurism.  And it was getting me hot.  I managed to not interrupt her until she had her orgasm.  Then I quickly put my hand over top of hers and kept the motion going.  She figured it out instantly and kept going on her own. I pulled the covers off, slid down between her legs and just watched.  It only took her a couple of minutes and she was having another orgasm.

I didn't know she was that close to coming.  I drove my tongue between her fingers and into her cunt.  Then I felt her wet hand move up to the back of my head. I could feel her juices on the back of my neck and her pelvis rocking against my face as she spasmed on my tongue.  I think she liked being discovered.  What do you think?

   

I had that fantasy too.  You know.  Having a beautiful woman walk in while you're wanking your dick and then have her come over and begin sucking on the part sticking out of your fist, with no recrimination or judgment.  After this episode I actually tried to get this to happen a couple of times.  But I never got caught.  Oh well.

At length did cross an Albatross:

Thorough the fog it came;

As if it had been a Christian soul,

We hailed it in God's name.

It ate the food it ne'er had eat,

And round and round it flew.

The ice did split with a thunder-fit;

The helmsman steered us through!

And a good south wind sprung up behind;

The Albatross did follow,

And every day, for food or play,

Came to the mariners' hollo!

In mist or cloud, on mast or shroud,

It perched for vespers nine;

Whiles all the night, through fog-smoke white,

Glimmered the white Moon-shine.

Tracy Liked to Tease

Tracy loved the effect she had on men, but also tended to underestimate its significance.  She would laugh off my warning that someone was going to get aggressive, but she was good at defusing the approaches.  She'd get hit on a couple of times a day. One guy even tried to pick her up at the mall when she was six months pregnant!  She loved it.

   

At a party, she would immediately engage whoever was closest and then move through the room until she had sized up all the attractive males.  Then she would settle in with her favorites for the evening.  In the process, she would collect a following like the crowd of ducks when you scatter bread at the park.

She was too short to find at a party, so I would just look for the largest group of alpha males.  She'd usually be at the center and often without other females around.  The trophy wives would be in another corner trying to figure out why Tracy was getting all the attention.  She didn't do as well with women.  She tended to like older men and could smell money and position.

She used to laugh at our oldest daughter who would always pick out the most expensive clothes without looking at the price tags. Tracy could do the same thing with men, and often did.

Once she picked a target, her ability to beguile was amazing.  Her level of tease and flirting would be breach of the marriage contract in some jurisdictions.  Without saying anything explicit, she would promise everything.  And just keep on promising.  It would drive most guys nuts in a little while.  She had done it to me for the six months before we started going out.  I knew what it felt like.

Interestingly enough, she was not a slut.  She didn't have to be. She could get all the attention she wanted without ever delivering, and all the sex she wanted with me.  But for her, this teasing was not really a sexual thing.  The promise of sex was just the medium.

But if you got her drunk or relaxed and she started to get into it, sex was no longer HER tool.  It was now her undoing.  Past a certain point, she lost control and you could do anything you wanted.  This was what really scared me.  But she didn't let herself get in that situation easily.  Generally, she was very much in control.

   

This teasing didn't just happen at parties.  I never picked her up at the airport when she wasn't talking to some guy as she walked off the plane.  It seems she never sat by women on an airplane if she had a choice.  She said she liked Southwest Airlines because she got to pick who she sat next to if you went on later.  And since she was usually late, it worked out.

   

In any crowd, all I had to do was walk away for five minutes and she would be in the middle of some conversation, usually with the best looking, or richest guy around.  This would happen in restaurants, stores and even on the street.  She's just a very interactive person.

   

Later when she got me between her legs, she would tease me by talking about what she liked about some guy she had been flirting with.  I would pick up on the story and describe how he seduced her.  She would always come real hard with her eyes closed.  I loved holding her at these times.  She was such a vibrant, erotic animal.

   

Though not beautiful in the classical sense, Tracy was the most attractive woman I had ever met.  And it wasn't just me that found her so.  It's a good thing I'm not the really jealous type.  A truly jealous guy would never have survived the strain.

Come to think of it, maybe I didn't either.  Time for that key verse:

"God save thee, ancient Mariner!

From the fiends, that plague thee thus!--

Why look'st thou so?"--With my cross-bow

I shot the ALBATROSS.

Water Does Not Always Get You Wet

Tracy loves to play.  She plays with people, feelings, and situations.  And figuring out how she played sexually was lots of fun.  She liked the implicit.  If you had to ask, you already had your answer: don't bother.

Of course, much of this I figured out during months of frustration leading up to our engagement, but much of that time wasn't sexual at all.  Over the years, I learned the subtleties, such as her appreciation for public sex.

   

Tracy liked taking chances, but not exactly.  She liked the "getting away" with it.  And we got away with it a lot.  In cars, trains, airplanes, parking garages, parks, the woods, on top of mountains, and under water.

Underwater is a good example.  We use to play at our pool.  I would dive between her legs and come back up.  Then she would dive between mine.  This led to copping a feel, and then oral sex.  Of course neither of us got off, but it was fun for a few seconds at a time.  I think she enjoyed it more.  I could hold my breath longer.

   

She also had this game with the jets in the hot tub.  She would simply back up to it and pull the bottom of her swimsuit to the side from behind.  She said she had been doing it for years before I finally caught her.  Then I tried it in front, but it didn't do as much for me.

This of course, led to other hot tub fun, which brings me to the real subject of this section.  Those "true" under-water stories about just sticking it in and fucking away are mostly bullshit.  There ARE times when the lady produces enough lubrication for such quick entry, but those are the exceptions.

If you've ever tried it, you realize that water usually washes away most of the nice lubrication.  It makes it difficult to slide in and out.  If you DO manage to get it in, you may get two or three long strokes before the machinery freezes up.

But don't give up hope!  There is a way.  As long as the strokes are shorter than the slack in the skin of your genitals, you CAN make progress at penetration.  Just don't pull it all the way out.

It's actually kind of fun.  It forces you to work it in a little bit at a time until you've hit bottom.  This can take quite a while which Tracy always seemed to enjoy.  Once in, you mostly use pressure and very short subtle movements.

This method fit nicely with Tracy's idea of a good time getting away with something.  Once when we were in Phoenix at a business meeting we decided to check out the hot tub.  It was already late and no one was around.  At first we just talked and played.

This hot tub was tiled but had a very deep first step.  When sitting down, the water was almost to my shoulders, and was near Tracy's chin.  So she got up on my lap.  Naturally, we started playing the penetration game.  She pulled the bottom of her suit to the side and I got my cock out the leg of my trunks.

For a long time, she only held my cock against her clit and used a small rocking movement of her pelvis.  To some degree she could shield the washing action of the water with her hand.  Pretty soon, she got the head in and it felt SO good.  She seemed to be enjoying it too.  She kept her hand against the base of my cock until she had me all the way in and her fingers were stroking my balls.

    

Just about this time another couple walked up and she pulled her hand out of the water.  We just sat there with silly grins on our faces, but decided the bubbles and darkness pretty well hid what was happening.  They didn't seem to take notice.

We started talking to these people and everything was fine.  Pretty soon Tracy began contracting the muscles in her cunt.  This kept my cock hard.  After a while she started rotating her hips ever so slowly and grinding her clit back against the base of my cock.  I don't know about her, but I was losing control.  Maybe that was the point, to see who could come without getting caught.

She had the advantage.  I couldn't move at all.  I was mostly at her mercy, but I did hold onto her hip bones and press in hard just as I squirted up into her.  Then I felt it, the little pulsed contractions.  Usually you don't notice them because of all the movement.  This time it was definite.  I FELT her come.  And no, we didn't get caught.  But we did wait for them to leave before we got out of the water.

   

There were other cases of public or almost public sex.  She seemed to really like it.  I wasn't sure if it was exhibitionism or just the tension created by the fear of getting caught.  Maybe she simply liked getting away with something, or making me happy which she did on many occasions.

A Friend Indeed

During our second year of marriage I happened to leave for a week on business.  I didn't find out about this little event until a couple of weeks after I got back.

Tracy had gone up to my friend's house.  This was a married guy named Brian who she liked to tease.  He had been my friend since before we were married and was one of my ushers at our wedding. Tracy found him attractive and had even told me he had seriously flirted with her a couple of times, but that was common so I didn’t think anything about it.

   

Tracy didn't know it when she went up there, but Brian’s wife wasn't home at the time of this visit.  Tracy had gone there to see their new home.  It had just been finished and they were moving in.

   

Tracy had our first daughter with her.  She was just a small baby at the time.  Anyway, as Tracy's getting the tour of the house, the baby starts crying and Tracy tells Brian our daughter is hungry and needs to be fed.

   

Brian gets the hint and tells her to go in the master bedroom, because it's quiet and dark.  She can then put her down for a nap on the bed.  Tracy said she was sitting on the bed with her tit out doing dinner duty for several minutes when she heard Brian coming up the stairs. She said she didn't know whether to try and stop or just act casual.

   

Maybe he wouldn't come in the bedroom at all.  But he did.  She said she smiled at him but just continued feeding the baby.  She said she was casual and didn't try to lead Brian on, but she could feel the tension in the room.

   

Brian said, "That's something I haven't seen in a while.  She sure is hungry," as he sat down next to her.  Apparently the baby was working Tracy's nipple pretty hard.  Tracy just smiled and looked down.  But then Brian reached out and stroked her breast just above the baby's cheek.  She told me later the tingle from his finger went straight to her clit.  She told me that a baby sucking on her tit always made her horny anyway.  She didn't know what to do.

   

So she just continued as if nothing was happening.  Soon she had to switch breasts (you have to relieve both).  As she did, Brian kept his hand on her but now started playing with the milk still leaking out of the hardened nipple.

Next he leaned down and kissed her.  She said he was a very good kisser.  Her arms were full and so she just went with it.  After a couple of minutes, he laid her back on the bed with the baby still feeding and continued the kiss.  Then she felt him rubbing her leg.

   

She said it felt so good she wanted him to keep going, but she wanted him to stop too.  She got one of her wishes.  He started undoing her belt, then unbuttoning her pants.  Next was the zipper.  She said he was doing it all very slowly but she loved the wait.  She felt his hand on her stomach.

   

The baby was now asleep so she laid her on the bed on the side away from Brian.  Tracy then put her arms around Brian's neck to kiss him again.  She said, "You're good at this," as his fingers found her clit.

   

Just as he got his finger all the way in to her wetness, she said, "We have to stop, you know."

He questioned, "Why?"

"Because it feels too good and both of us don't really want this to happen," she answered.

   

"It CAN'T happen," she said ending the conversation, sat up, and buttoned her pants back up.

She walked to the door and looked back at him saying, "Why don't you get me a glass of wine?"

She said that was the end of the incident.  His wife came home not long after.  She also told me that except him feeling her ass and kissing her every now and then, he was just a close friend.

Strangely enough, this didn't threaten me much.  I remember talking about it and how she felt.  Maybe it was because she was not emotionally distant with me.  It felt more like HER sex play even though he had initiated it.  I wasn't that jealous, but I did find it erotic.  Kinky, huh?

Counter Attack

I talked to him about it, and this ended the Brian affair, at least for a while.  I explained Tracy had filled me in about his moves.  And I kidded him about seducing HIS wife.  This really seemed to piss him off.  I was surprised.  He got very serious and asked me never to try.  I agreed.  Talk about double standards!  Maybe he didn't like Tracy telling me about his little attempt.  I think this is why he backed off.  Other than the sex, it's all about who tells whom what, and where the loyalties lie.

   

Mostly, I forgot about it.  Well, until two years later when Tracy and I were talking about a ménage a trois one morning in bed.  I asked her who she would consider and his name came up.  She said she liked how slowly he moved his hands.

   

I said it was too bad because I think I had scared him off with the remark I had made about his wife.  Tracy said she could still seduce him if she wanted.

I said, "Do you want?"

She answered with a coy, "maybe," but quickly added that she didn't want to if I didn't want to.

She also made it clear that if it DID happen, it didn't give me the right to find another woman.  She said if that was the deal, it was definitely off.  She was very jealous of me even flirting with other women.  I tried to avoid it just to keep the peace.  It wasn't even a challenge.  Though it contrasted with my past, I had no problem being monogamous.  It's strange how this balance works.

   

I think Tracy was a bit more challenged by monogamy.  I think she was intrigued with the idea of seducing another man.  Or maybe she was just intrigued with Brian.  Or maybe she liked the effect it had on me.  I told her she could try as long as she followed the rule about me being there.  She liked the challenge and fucked me intensely just from talking about it.

   

A few weeks later, she invited Brian over for dinner.  His wife was in San Francisco so he came over.  We all took the kids for a walk. After dinner, we got the girls to bed and sat on the couch to see if there were any movies on HBO.  Tracy had on her running shorts, and a sweatshirt that zipped up the front.

   

I noticed her zipper kept getting lowered all evening.    It soon became evident that she had taken her bra off sometime after we got back from our walk.    Brian noticed it too.  I caught him looking.

   

Anyway, we're on the couch which is in an "L" shape and Tracy leans over and lies in my lap as I flip channels.  Brian is on the "L" part and Tracy's ass is pointed straight at him.

We started watching something and I was rubbing her shoulder but she jumped up and went to the bathroom.  I didn't know it until later, but she also took her panties off which left only her running shorts.  That's why I could now smell her.  I'm sure Brian could too.  She was definitely in the mood.

   

On her way back from the bathroom, she also turned off the lights so just the TV was flickering.  She took her place again, but a little closer to Brian this time.  She had to pull me over to act as her pillow once more.  I couldn't see what was going on at the time, but later found out he had been rubbing the back of her legs down low and out of my field of view.  That's why she took her panties off.

   

Now he was getting his fingers wet and I didn't even know it.  I decided to give them some time alone to at least give her a fair chance at her seduction.  I jumped up and told them I was going to rent a movie since we hadn't found anything good on TV.  When I left they were still on the couch.

Later that night Tracy told me what happened as I drove off.  She said he really started pumping his fingers in her as they kissed. She said, unlike the last time, he was in a real hurry and had his cock out within minutes after I left.

She said she turned around and started sucking on him but kept it real slow and relaxed.  She was trying to drag it out until I got back.  She said he was a little smaller than me but still plenty big.  She couldn't get him all in her mouth.

Unfortunately, he still seemed to be in a hurry, and slow was what Tracy liked about him.  He turned her around again and took her running shorts off.  As he got between her legs and started rubbing the head of his cock in her slit, she asked him to slow down a little because she wanted to wait until I got back.

   

She told me this was the wrong thing to say.  He stared at her. The thought of me knowing freaked him out.  He stood and zipped his pants up.

She said, "What's wrong?"

"I can't do this," he explained and quickly left.

She said she never had anyone change their mind so quickly, from near insertion to out the door in less than two minutes.

   

We laughed about it later and guessed he was afraid of me, or afraid he would have to trade his wife for this chance to get his dick in Tracy.  We decided not to tell him any different since his double standard seemed to be so unfair.  Maybe that's why I wasn't jealous.  He just didn't seem threatening.

Anyway, Brian and Tracy were never really lovers.  At least, I think they never were.  Hard telling I guess.

Office Teasing

There were lots of other ways Tracy had of playing, many of them not really sexual at all.  Or at least they didn't start that way.  But when they turned sexual, they became passionate very quickly. Office teasing was one of her favorites.

Often she would use the fact that other people were around to "control" the situation.  It would start out with just eye contact or maybe a cryptic note on my car which I would find when I went out to lunch.  She would act like she hadn't left it there and then tease me about who was leaving me notes when I brought it up.

She would use this fake "jealous" perspective as an excuse to get my attention all afternoon.  It often felt like she was testing me in some way, maybe to see if I would try and track down this elusive woman.  Who knows at this point?

Usually the tension would build all afternoon because we couldn't do anything about it.  Sometimes we couldn't stand it and would take our chances in the storeroom.  These rendezvouses were quick but fun.

    

Usually though, we'd watch the clock until everyone was gone. Sometimes she'd keep the game going even after we locked the doors.

I remember her insisting we stay out front, (where we could be seen from the sidewalk), working on some accounting stuff.  She would say, "Concentrate," then start writing on my hand with her pen.

Other times she would come over and sit in my lap having already taken her pantyhose off and then tell me to keep working as she ground her ass against my cock for an hour or so.

Looking back, I think she liked being in view of the sidewalk because it created one more level of tension.  It would force us to draw things out longer.  She did this far better than I ever could.

Sometimes I had to take my pants down to keep them from getting soaked from her pussy.  This didn't necessarily mean I got to put it in.  Often she would just hold it between her legs rubbing it up and down her slit and putting pressure on her clit.

But it almost always ended with her on her tip-toes getting fucked hard from behind while be both tried to hide behind the computer monitor.  Getting it from behind was her favorite position.

It was not long after this that things started changing between us.  Most of it had nothing to do with sex, but she did change sexually too.  The best way to describe it was that she started "looking."  She had always teased, now she seemed more serious.